It’s Valentine’s Day this weekend. A wonderful opportunity to celebrate romance generally and perhaps that special someone in your life. However, it may also be a time when you think back to long lost loves, the one that got away, or a recent break-up.
Perhaps more than ever before, Valentine's Day this year will be difficult for those struggling with a relationship ending.
The pandemic and impact of lockdowns has been a rise in divorces and break ups - find out more
Heartbreak and heartache is something that will impact most people at some point. It’s a genuinely horrible experience. We all know that time does heal, but in the moment it can feel all-consuming and overwhelming.
When a relationship ends, no matter what the reason, many people feel betrayed, rejected, hurt, guilt, shame and many more negative emotions. You invested in the relationship, you shared experiences, emotions and feelings. You opened up to that person and had a connection. It may have been weeks, months or years and then suddenly that person ceases to be a part of your life for whatever reason. Suddenly there is a gap, something is missing, life can feel empty. Even when a bad relationship ends, there is still a sense of something missing.
Post break-up we often we think about ‘what if’. 'What if this had happened?', 'What if I had done this or that differently?', 'What if I had dealt with this or that in a different way?' We all play the ‘what if’ game in many aspects of our lives, it never helps.
When a relationship ends, the future you had mapped out in your head has just been taken away. Suddenly plans you may have had are no more, and the future is suddenly uncertain and may seem bleak. This can lead to wallowing in the past and bemoaning the current situation. It leads to negative self-talk causing a vicious cycle of hurt and distress and can end up programming your mind to not move on.
This is all a natural process. A relationship ending is a form of grief. As such it needs to be processed. It takes time to heal. An occasional evening with a bottle of wine singing ‘All By Myself’ is to be expected. However if that becomes a recurring thing, then you need to look at how you can help move things along. Time helps move things on but there are things you can do (and things you can avoid) to make things a bit easier during the turbulent times. Many of these hints and tips are similar to how to deal with stress, or anxiety, or generally feeling down or lacklustre. They work!
What to do
Give yourself some time and some space.
Keep busy, whether through work, hobbies or interests, doing something is better than doing nothing.
Take time out for you… engage with what you enjoy.
Talk to friends and family and others who can support you, have a moan but chat about other things as well.
Try not to use alcohol and other drugs to deal with the situation.
Give it time.
Get regular sleep.
Exercise and eat well.
There are also some things best avoided!
What not to do
Check up on the other person on social media
Look back over old photos, listen to songs that remind you of the person.
Rush into another relationship
Give up on love, whilst it is best not to rush into another relationship, remain optimistic that you may find someone new at some point in the future.
Define yourself by the person you were with. Remember who you are, what makes you unique.
However, sometimes it is hard to get yourself out of that negative mindset. These hints and tips are all common sense, and we know what we should do or not do. But it is not always easy to find the motivation to do those things that will help.
Hypnotherapy can help.
Hypnotherapy can help you deal with the experience, put the past into perspective and look forward with a sens eof positivity. The person and the relationship you had will always be part of your past. Hypnotherapy can help release the issues on an unconscious level and then refocus your mind onto what you want to achieve, encouraging positive self-talk that will help you move on from the situation.
Most people can relate to running events over again and again in their minds, it becomes a bad habit. Many bad habits may form during a break-up. You may end up drinking more, you may end up checking and rechecking your ex's Facebook page, you may struggle to get out of bed or stay up too late.
Hypnotherapy can help break such habits. Hypnotherapy can help you to bring yourself back into the here and now with optimism for the future. Hypnotherapy can help you move on from the emotional turmoil and the nagative cycle you may feel as a result of the relationship break-up. You can’t just change the situation, but you can change the way you feel about the situation, and how the situation impacts your behaviour. Hypnotherapy can help you change the way you feel about that person, about the past relationship, about your current situation and - perhaps most importantly, to be more positive about the future.
Find out how hypnotherapy can help by booking a free consultation.
Malcolm Struthers Hypnotherapy - Online and in-person in Dumfries & Galloway