Power of ‘Should’ — and Why It Holds You Back

We all use the word “should.”

“I should be happier.”

“I should be over this by now.”

“I should exercise more.”

“I should stop worrying.”

At first glance, it sounds like a simple, even sensible word — a sign that we want to do better. But in hypnotherapy, “should” is one of those words we learn to notice and gently question. It’s often a signal that we’re putting pressure on ourselves, judging our current situation, or measuring our worth against something outside of us.

The Hidden Weight of ‘Should’

When you say “I should,” you’re rarely talking about what you genuinely want or believe. More often, you’re echoing the voices and expectations of others — parents, teachers, friends, society, or even that critical inner voice that’s developed over time.

“Should” has a quiet way of making us feel inadequate. It suggests that what we’re doing right now isn’t enough, that who we are in this moment somehow falls short. It keeps us focused on what we haven’t done, rather than recognising what we have achieved.

That’s why, in hypnotherapy, we try to avoid the word altogether. Because when we strip away the “shoulds,” we start to uncover something far more valuable — choice, honesty, and self-compassion.

From Pressure to Possibility

Think about the difference between saying “I should go for a run” and “I want to move my body because it makes me feel good.”The first feels like an obligation — something we’re doing because we have to. The second comes from a place of choice — something we’re doing because it benefits us.

Language matters. The words we use shape our emotions, our motivation, and the way we see ourselves. When we speak to ourselves with kindness and intention, we open the door to real change.

So, instead of “I should stop feeling anxious,” you might try “I’d like to feel calmer and more in control.” Instead of “I should be more confident,” try “I’m learning to feel more comfortable being myself.”

Small shifts like these create a huge difference. They move us away from guilt and towards empowerment. They help us see growth as a process rather than a demand.

How Hypnotherapy Can Help

In hypnotherapy, we work with the subconscious mind — the part of you that stores your habits, beliefs, and emotional responses. Often, those “shoulds” come from deep-rooted patterns picked up long ago. Maybe you were told to always try harder, be better, or not let others down. Over time, those messages become internal rules.

Through guided relaxation and focused attention, hypnotherapy helps you uncover those old beliefs and see them for what they are — outdated ideas that no longer serve you. Once you recognise them, you can begin to replace them with thoughts that reflect your true values and goals.

This process isn’t about ignoring self-improvement or letting yourself off the hook. It’s about changing the tone of how you motivate yourself — from criticism to curiosity, from blame to balance. When that happens, progress becomes lighter, easier, and more sustainable.

Letting Go of ‘Should’

When you begin to let go of “should,” you make space for new words: “want,” “can,” and “choose.” These words invite you to take action because you care, not because you feel pressured. They create room for self-acceptance and for growth that comes from within.

Next time you catch yourself thinking “I should,” take a pause. Ask yourself, “Says who?” Does this belief come from you, or from someone else’s idea of what your life should look like? You might find that underneath that word lies a far gentler truth — one that leads to real change, not forced change.

Because when we stop living under the weight of “should,” we give ourselves permission to live in a way that feels authentic, balanced, and kind.

If you’d like to explore how hypnotherapy can help you move beyond “should” and make meaningful, lasting changes, book a free consultation.